How does the ear search the singing bird?

Today was such a pretty day. Red is standing out for me. I see red everywhere. Circus, Red Balloon, Red Coy Fish, Red Macaw. Love.

We went to the circus! There was this trapeze act, the performer swinging in spirals with tails of her curtain trailing behind her. Oh my mind took me to a thousand dance acts, a thousand costume changes. But I am not inspired yet. So I will take a canvas with me to America next time and paint by moving water, perhaps. Which man has words for my disposition? I want to marry him.

We also went to a Japanese coy fish garden and saw some really pretty coy fishes. One with a bright orange streak was bought in my memory. I named her Pocahontas. I hope she is well and that the drop in temperature outside will not be too shocking for her sensitive skin. I also saw a bird with eyes so pretty and yellow eyelashes. A macaw tried to bite me today.The same one that tried to French kiss the finger of a good man next to me.

Today I received so many presents. A figure of a dancing angel with dusky complexion and curly brown hair – me – in a long white flowy dress. An air plant! – a rootless plant that requires moist from rain-water in the air, it absorbs through the stomata on its leaves. It is tiny but has very strange biological behaviour. It has no roots. It was gifted to me because I tend to kill plants that require maintenance. A red balloon. And lots of love.

So here I am now. The sun is about to set. There is a cartoon called ‘Up’ and it takes a house all the way down to South America to a place called ‘Paradise Falls’. Of course that is a waterfall there. I now find myself attracted to the gorillas of Rwanda. I want to find them and take pictures of them silently in their habitat. All the zoos in England are not enough for real life encounters. What is an animal truly like in the wild, roaming, breeding, feeding, socialising? I don’t know yet which country or continent calls me. I’ll sit still and wait for it. I still want to assist in an elephant orphanage when I return to Asia. Ah but where the heart feels!- how when many are tugging at it.

Today it was strange what I felt when they said they want to live like a recluse, far away, without communication, in the nature, with the plants and animals. I said to him, I feel that too. Travelling, the further into the forests, the higher into the mountains, the deeper into the valleys – if not for my responsibilities as a daughter, sister, and activist, I may have postponed my ambitions. Even if it was 1 year to write and pray and be with his creation. I want to read life through experiencing it raw; how does the barefeet feel on wet soil, how does the ear search the singing bird, how do plants line by the riverside, where do valleys create waterfalls?…….I feel I am disposing off more of my clothing, my things, my money. I seem to collect only books, pictures and the stubs off my air tickets. Then of course the words of people gracious, those that share their love and wisdom – I always write them down.

I am excited to return to Singapore. I miss being close to home.


One thought on “How does the ear search the singing bird?

  1. my dearest natasha,

    your words and face continually resurface in my past 7 months coming home. your grin, the grin that shows so much of the heart of yours. where are you? i’ve so much to share with you in particular, so much to seek advice from.

    where are you natasha? i need your wise counsel. yet perhaps Fate is giving me this time to fall and get up and build so that when we do meet I could share more of my adventures, and yours with me.

    i envy you, i am jealous of you, yet above all i miss you. i’ve emailed twice.

    hoping to hear from you soon. or better yet, inshallah, to meet you. may His peace be with you, wherever you are.

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