Denying emotions

Before a private performance, I ask myself: ‘What is it that I feel now? Do I feel angry, upset, heartbroken, inspired…what do I feel?’ and I play with the oscillations of variant feelings and experiment with different dance styles, different props (hats, fans, skirts, face masks). Like poetry, like emails, like dance, I don’t deny myself emotions. If I be heartbroken, let me be it completely; if I be happy, then I be happy completely. When I laugh, my friends become embarrassed because I laugh out loud, wholly, I don’t repress myself. When I am happy at my Uncle’s arrival, I dance around him, I hug and kiss him. Emotions are natural; only weaker human beings deny them, pretend different things, pretend they are not sad, not overjoyed. Controlled. I can be completely heartbroken, sad, burnt, – and I can feel comfortable with that state. It does not have to be self-destructive. So I am also positive, I don’t let any one thing affect my life of many things.

That’s why movies and literature are termed the ‘other world’, the term ‘escape’ is used. Escape it is, because once the movie or the book is over, we have to go back to pretending we’re all robots.

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